This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
The Hulk ain’t never lied.
I can’t even express how much respect I have for Mark Ruffalo. The dude’s on the US terrorism watchlist for fuck’s sake.
Omg, it’s true.
still one of the best things ive ever seen.
slaughter melon reporting for duty.
BROCONUTm a n g ERI NE
too good to not reblog
How can I not reblog slaughtermelon?
isn’t bombegranite cucumber an actor
I knew that was coming
Why the hell were these guys in prison.
Probably for being the only fucking sane people in the entire town.
I present to you, THE BOOKSHELF FANDOM
LOOK AT THE BEAUTY
I CANT HANDLE IT
THIS ONE IS ALSO A MOTHERFRICKING BED
YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT
IT DOESNT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS
I STAND CORRECTED
GOLLY GOSH A PIANO
DEAR LORD ALMIGHTY
I HOPE YOU WERE AMAZED
the first picture is a shop located in Salem MA.
Oh god I feel this so hard
OH GOD how could a show about a man with SEVERE OCD DO THAT WITH ITS BOX SETS
A Degree in Musical Theater. You may not be able to solve a math problem. But you will know how to solve a problem like Maria.
Can we just stop and appreciate Nicki Minaj’s face for a moment. She looks genuinely very concerned for Josh here, like she thinks he was actually in an arena full of kids trying to kill him, and is confused as to why no one else finds this as shocking as she does.
What do you expect? People from the Capitol just don’t understand.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? PEOPLE FROM THE CAPITOL JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.
make me choose
anon asked The Hunchback of Notre Dame or
Hercules'What makes a monster and what makes a man?'